What Is The Feature Of The Couples Who Argue Often?
“Couples who argue love each other more” is not something we will see on Valentine’s card, but according to research, these couples usually stay together (source). The beginning of a new relationship is like a honeymoon to most couples.
However, this stage can pass once the partners show differences, opinions, and their true personality. This can cause frustration in the partners which can easily progress into a fight.
While fights are a normal part of every relationship, some couples tend to fight a lot more than others. But, this could be a way to express their individualism and different opinion. The most important part, however, is that both partners should learn a lesson from the fight.
A lesson that will help them understand each other better and respect the partner’s opinion. In fact, according to psychiatrists, a couple who argues doesn’t necessarily mean it has problems.
But, it does require skills to argue with your partner effectively, so here are several suggestions to end the fight in a positive light without worsening the situation even more.
Tips to Effectively Argue with Our Partner
- First, let our partner know that we care about them and respect their opinion
- As soon as we feel our anger rises, speak up
- Don’t insist on being right
- Avoid saying something that we’ll regret later, so strip out the judgmental, accusatory, and inflammatory language
- Stick to the main topic
- Soften judgments and try to think why some rational, reasonable, and decent person would do the thing your partner did (or is still doing)
- Tell your partner what the reason for your concern is without accusing them of anything. Tell it is as an opinion
- Be honest
- Invite dialogue
- Hear the partner’s opinion
Reasons Why Couples Who Argue Are More Likely to Stay Together
1. We Are Free to Speak About Our Ideas and Opinions
Frequent arguments can mean both of us to have different opinions and ideas, so we’re bringing them to the table instead of sweeping them under the carpet.
In fact, not arguing can increase the tension in the relationship as no one is sharing their thoughts and desires to prevent the other from hurting. Also, not arguing can mean a lack of interest in both partners.
If we have this problem, we should ask ourselves if we can be open about our opinions and ideas with our partner. Dr. Stephanie Sarkis explains that arguing is one of the 7 ingredients to a happy and healthy relationship.
As she says, we can argue without fighting, that is, without raising our voice or name-calling.
2. We Are More Passionate
Arousal Transfer is the name of this phenomenon according to physiologists. Being easily excited by one stimulus means we’ll likely have the same quick response to another stimulus. In fact, people say making love after a fight is much more intense than any other experience they had.
People who argue more are said to enjoy this roller coaster ride which increases their blood pressure and hormones.
3. We Hear Each Other Which Leads to Mutual Respect
A relationship will always be faced with challenges and conflicts of different intensity and nature. Everyone wants to be heard and understood, be acknowledged for who they are, and follow their passion.
So, partners who argue are actually expressing their thoughts, desires, and needs. And these are happy couples where partners can hear each other and stand their ground, indicating mutual respect.
4. We Learn More about Each Other
Withdrawn relationships are avoiding conflicts and arguments, so the partners might become ‘flat characters.’ They won’t have real personalities so the interest in each other might slowly decrease.
On the other hand, expressing our opinions and desires adds depth to our personality, even if that means starting an argument. And, our partner will notice this and learn something new about us, so he will respect us even more.
This article is not intended to encourage people to fight with their partner, but to help them realize that sensitive issues need to be discussed. True love is more than just love; it’s constant work and truth.
A truth that will bring them closer, and keep them close. And, is there a better way to reveal the truth than reasonable conversations? Think about it, and talk about the things that matter to you, even if that means starting an argument.